you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You don't make any sense
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