I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
