btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
