I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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