Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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