I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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