So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
