I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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