do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
