You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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