one might say we're banned from that church
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
