3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I love you. Go after that dick
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
