He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
