I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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