omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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