Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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