no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
