On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
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