Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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