Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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