Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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