There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize