so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
