I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
