Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
