I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
