last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
