so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
