And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
