Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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