Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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