sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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