lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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