You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Randomize
