Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
