Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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