I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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