I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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