I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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