Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
