I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
