1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
