so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
