i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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