so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
