dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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