Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
