You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
