Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
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