oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
