i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
