the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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