I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
