i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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