I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize