Having a random hookup so left but love u
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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