I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
