There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
