I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The best revenge is premature balding
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
