I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize