Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
