What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
