i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
