Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize