Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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