the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
