i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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