So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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