can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
