Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize