i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
