ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
