you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I fill condoms, not promises.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
