I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
