Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
