He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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