my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
